Friday, September 17, 2010

Roller Coasters--Really Long!

The other day I came across a link to a video about a roller coaster. It was a really cool one. It came down this big hill and looked like it splashed into the water. It is in Yokohama Japan. It is called the Vanish or something like that.  Anyway, it is really cool. Someday, I want to go on it, maybe I will get my dad to join us on a trip to Japan someday and we can see where he served his mission, and go on the Vanish roller coaster! That would be fun!

I always loved roller coasters. As long as I can remember. I remember riding roller coasters at Six Flags Great America outside of Chicago when I was younger. For my 12th birthday, my good friends Susanna and Eve Johnson took Kevin and I to Six Flags for my birthday present. It was a blast. It was also the day after I got a palatte expander in my mouth and the first day we broke the bone in the top of my mouth...Good times..braces. Anyway, I have always loved roller coasters.

Then this roller coaster week started. We haven't hit many high points on this roller coaster. It seems to stay at the low point a lot!  Over the past 3 weeks here is a run down of what has been going on:

My Grandma T fell off a tractor and broke her arm.
My Grandpa P took a turn for the worst and is at home in Hospice Care waiting...and waiting for his time to be up.
From Jaidi and Justin

My Grandpa T then was rushed to the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack. Turns out if was a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in his lungs) and 2 more blood clots in his legs. They were keeping him a few days and he was supposed to go home last Sunday. It is now Friday and he is no closer to going home. He now has to have surgery for a pace maker because his heart rate is too erratic to keep him going. The only problem is that his blood is still too thin to do surgery and if it doesn't thicken up then he goes home with Hospice care so he can now wait.

Here are Pics of my kids with Grandpa and Grandma T.

Waiting is the hardest part. I don't want to loose my Grandfathers. I love them and wish I could just keep them here forever. But it is hard to ask that, when they are so miserable in life. So as I have been waiting for calls from the various people giving updates I have been trying to decide what to pray for. Ultimately, it really comes down to Peace and Comfort for everyone. If in the end they get better and live another 20 years wonderful, we will all be at peace and comforted. But if they don't, then we will still hopefully, have peace and comfort. I want my grandfathers to be at peace and be comforted and to feel better, no matter what that entails.

From mom
But trying to figure this out has brought to the forefront the strong unresolved emotions I have over loosing my mother 4 1/2 years ago. 2 nights ago, while Justin was at the hospital on call, I went to bed, extremely tired. But I said my prayers before hand. Then I had a complete and total emotional breakdown. I was reliving my moms death all over again. Literally, I was standing next to her bed watching the machines breathe for her, watching the doctors and nurses disconnect all her machines and then watching the monitors as they slowly stopped beating. I laid in bed completely heart broken with nothing. I felt completely alone. My kids were alseep in their beds, Justin was at work, I had no one...

That night I was reminded of a song...As a young family, we sang it in a church sacrament meeting in Chicago. They never asked us to sing at church again...You're Not Alone I realized that Physically, I may be alone, but spiritually, I am in way alone. But that only helped a little.

The next day, yesterday, was heart breaking for me. I am not ready to face the emotions of death all over again. Especially with these feelings all so strong in my life again. I cried on the phone with my mother in law for almost an hour. She lost her mom at a very young age and so I know she knows how I feel.

Justin helped me recover a bit. I decided after I calmed down that I wasn't going to let myself get that low...Last night was a weird night. I had dreams, over and over again that I was kidnapped as a young child and was trying so hard to get back to my mom. Everytime I would get close to my mom, the kidnappers would get me again and I would have to try all over again. But it kept happening, I kept getting pulled away just as I was about to get back to her. Then I was up the rest of the night and I couldn't sleep.

Lastly, as I was pulling up the video for You're Not Alone, I found this video-- I'll Build You a Rainbow--I remember listening to this when I was little. I couldn't imagine my mom dieing. But it now reminds me to see my mom in my life around me. In the faces of my children, int he rainbows and raindrops. It seems like a silly reminder of my mom, but it makes me feel like she is here watching over me and helping keep me grounded...

I know that whatever happens in the next few weeks and months, it will all be okay. It won't be easy, but it will be okay. There will be tears, but their will be less suffering. So keep us in your prayers...All of the Pierce's and the Thornock's need lots of prayers. Death is a challenge we all have to face, But it almost doesn't seem fair for us to have to wait while 2 grandpas are so, so ill. Pray for peace and comfort and for them to feel better, whatever God's will holds that will make that happen...

I love them dearly. I miss them dearly. It is so hard being so far away and unable to do anything.

1 comment:


Jaidi, I love reading your posts! I can only imagine your heartache missing your mom! You are so strong though. I can tell everytime I read your blog. Stay strong. One day we will all be able to be with each other. PS....I love the family picture at the top of your blog. What an adorable little family.

love you