Sunday, September 5, 2010

Residency and Stuff!

It is funny to think of all the changes that have taken place in my life. I was spoiled last month in residency! Justin spent his days working about 8-12 everyday. It was really nice. But it was also cruel of the residency schedulers!  There is nothing like a Trauma rotation...At least an Ortho Trauma rotation. Maybe there is something like it, but I haven't seen it. Its hard. There will be an adjustment period. I am getting better with it all. But the first couple days were REALLY hard. He got up at 3:45, which meant I woke up at 3:45. He left for work and was gone all day. At 8:00, I got a text message to tell me to keep the kids up til 8:30 so that he could say goodnight to them before they went to sleep! He got home at 8:30, then went to bed at about 9:15 and started all over the next day. I saw my husband for a total of about 45 minutes that day. It was hard. Especially after the easy schedule of August. It is 5 days into and I think I am handling things okay. The kids may be suffering a bit. I am doing my best to keep my patience with them. Hopefully, they would say that I am doing okay. After Justin leaves in the morning, I don't sleep much. And I can't go to bed early to make up for it. But I think I have done pretty good with the kids!  It will be a long and lonely 3 months while he is on Ortho, but Its going to be okay. I am working hard to get myself out of my comfort zone and get our of the house whenever I can. So, even if it is a little hard, it will force me to try harder and work through difficulties!  So it's all gonna be great... right?

I learned this past week that my grandfather, my dad's dad is really sick. He has been sick for a really, really long time. over 5 years ago, when I was 34 weeks pregnant with Felicity, we thought that Grandpa was dying. Justin, Jaicie and I flew out to Hawaii to say goodbye before I wouldn't be allowed to travel anymore. Grandpa didn't die then. He has been fighting his way through so much for so long now. His wife passed away over 20 years ago...he has been living with his son and family, but he has been alone for 20 years. It is heartbreaking. It is hard to pray in circumstances like this. It is hard to know what to pray for. I don't want to loose my grandfather. But I don't want him to suffer anymore. So do I pray for him to get better, or pray for him to move on. Neither of which is a good option for me. It has brought up so many emotions this week. I have cried myself to sleep every night since I found out. I am not ready to loose him, reliving loosing my mom has been hard this week. (not helped by Justin being gone or sleeping anytime he's home!)  My religion gives me strength and knowledge that he will be together again with his sweet wife. I can picture him walking into the arms of his wife and my mother. Mom always joked that if dad didn't treat her right, she was going to move to Hawaii and live with his parents! So I am sure that she would be there to welcome him. Grandma and Grandpa can be together again. After 20 years, I couldn't hope for more. So last night when I said my prayers, I prayed for comfort and strength for Grandpa. Whatever the Lord's will held, I want him and all the rest of his family to have comfort and strength to go through it. If it is time to say goodbye to my grandpa, I will, and I will do it with the knowledge that one day I can see him again. I love my Grandpa, I wish that I lived in Vegas the past year while he spent 6 months with my dad in Las Vegas. I am so glad that I was able to see him in March for Jeff's wedding. I will always treasure my memories with Grandpa. And whether his time comes soon or not soon, I know that the Lord's hand is in play and he will guide all of us, comfort us and strengthen us through whatever His will holds.

And in case he doesn't know (even though he won't be reading this) I love you Grandpa. I am so happy for the life I have been able to share with you. I am proud to be your grandchild. Please know how much I will always love you and my kids love you.

1 comment:

Kay B. said...

I enjoyed your post. Death is just hard no matter what the situation. My kids lost their dad and their grandfather within three months of each other. We were still numb from one death just to be met with another. Hang in there.